


GET OUT!

by Rosalyn_Larry28



Category: Original Work
Genre: Broken, F/M, Falling In Love, Love, Tragic Romance, Unrequited Love, gone, true story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27485878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosalyn_Larry28/pseuds/Rosalyn_Larry28
Summary: This book recounts a true story. Names have been changed for privacy reasons. I will not be disclosing the name of this boy. If he sees this, and I mattered to him as much as he did to me, he'll know who he is.





	1. One Look and There Was No Turning Back

It all started that day...

One of my managers had mentioned that someone would be late from car troubles. (Now, it just so happened that he had the same name as one of the servers at the restaurant I worked at.) I didn't think much of it until I saw that he arrived late and that the server I previously mentioned wasn't even working. He was the one that was late from car troubles. I could finally match a face to a name. Little did I know that he would turn into someone I would never forget.

I knew from the moment I saw him that I had to get to know him. He was the new guy, but something about him was so familiar. So comforting. Just by looking at him I felt that we had been friends forever. I didn't speak to him at first, just walked past and smiled, trying to be friendly. He smiled back, a smile I won't soon forget.

It could make anyone's day better. It said a million words without saying anything at all. It could express the words hello, goodbye, and everything in between. It lit up the room. His smile that caged the demons of his past behind it. I knew his smile. It was the same one I wore on my face. Maybe that's what had my attention from the beginning.

The fact that his smile not only caged the demons, but also lit up the room was where we differed. My smile only caged the demons and kept people from seeing into my past.

I didn't talk to him for a while. I waited, wanting to see if the feelings I had would go away. They didn't. If anything, they got stronger.

All the next week, I tried to get you out of my head. It was no use, you stayed stuck like a barnacle to a boat.

When I got to work I saw you were there and, again, tried to ignore you. It was going well all night. I never was near you for too long and thought I would get away clean at the end of the night. I was mistaken. The end of my shift came and I was told I could go after I did my final checks of everything. I walked quickly into the room you were working, hoping to get in and get out without any interaction. Sadly, you were standing right where I needed to go. I didn't want to feel the feelings you brought out of me. I knew it would never work and I would, somehow, end up even more broken than I already was.

All the next week, I tried to get you out of my head. It was no use, you stayed stuck like a barnacle to a boat.

When I got to work I saw you were there and, again, tried to ignore you. It was going well all night. I never was near you for too long and thought I would get away clean at the end of the night. I was mistaken. The end of my shift came and I was told I could go after I did my final checks of everything. I walked quickly into the room you were working, hoping to get in and get out without any interaction. Sadly, you were standing right where I needed to go. I didn't want to feel the feelings you brought out of me. I knew it would never work and I would, somehow, end up even more broken than I already was.

As I was just about to leave your work area, he said something in a way that was one of my biggest pet peeves. Without even thinking I turned to you and said, "Oh no, not another one that talks like a frat boy." I turned away quickly, not wanting you to see my face turn red from embarrassment. So many thoughts raced through my head before you even spoke. Why did I just say that? Of all the things that could have come out of my mouth, that had to be it? Was that really the first thing I said to him? He'll never like me... I insulted him. I can't believe I let that come out of my mouth! What am I doing? Why I don't I think before I speak? I need to leave. I could feel you looking at me. I thought you would come back at me with something ruse that could hurt me, but you didn't.

"I'm sorry. I can talk like an intelligent human being if you would like," you spoke, using the same wit and sarcasm I have.

I turned around in shock and met your eyes. The sparkle blinding me from seeing any color within them. Your smile just as bright that I couldn't help but get lost in the glow. Your smile, so genuine I could never pull it off. No one made me happy enough to not fake a smile. I didn't know what to say. My thoughts went back to the previous week, during which I tried to suppress my feelings for you. It only made them stronger in the end and now, noticing more little things about you, I became more scared of everything. I knew what would inevitably happen if I continued feeling these things. I wanted so badly to stop feeling everything, but it was too deep. It was impossible to stop it now. If I couldn't stop everything in a week, I couldn't stop it in two seconds. No matter how hard I tired.

I realized I had been staring at you so I quickly looked away and started to leave when John, one of my friends who had been working with you, said that I liked when people talked like that. I assured him, and you, that I didn't. He brought up Dustin and Troy. "They're good looking, coming from a straight guy," you said.

I let a slight laugh leave my lips. I still wanted to get out of the situation as fast as possible, but part of me now wanted to stay and talk to you more. No, I told myself. This needs to stop. I quickly finished what I was doing and left. I prayed that would be the end of it, but it wasn't and wouldn't be for a while.

As I was walking out after my shift, I walked past you and smiled as my way of saying goodbye. You, never failing to surprise me, said, "Bye. Have a nice night." It was such a simple saying, but it somehow meant so much. I meant to respond, but I was overcome with shock. So I nodded and walked away.

I drove home that night thinking about everything that had happened, regretting what I didn't say and regretting even more what I did say. Thoughts went through my mind all night and I had trouble sleeping. At some point though, I must have fallen asleep because I woke up the next morning with my mind clear. I wish it had lasted. Almost instantly my mind was flooded with thoughts of the previous night and the regret came back. My mind was in turmoil. It wished to never see you again because I didn't want to feel any of the feelings you made me feel. I've felt them before, only to have it end in pain and agony. It took me years to get over it and I never wanted to go through it again. Though, at the same time, my brain wanted to see only you forever. The two thoughts chased each other through my mind until one of them beat the other, and it wasn't the one I wished for.


	2. The Happiest I've Been

Time went by where nothing happened until I had to set up a table in your station. I walked down while you weren't in sight and began to set the table. Seth, one of the new guys, came by and was helping me for sometime, when i noticed you setting the table next to me. I tried so hard to ignore you, but to no avail. As I looked at the table and counted everything to make sure nothing was missing, I realized that a roll of silverware was missing. I told Seth and he walked away without telling me what he was doing or getting. I knew he wasn't getting the silverware because it was in the opposite direction he was going.

I was adjusting the table when you appeared beside me with the silverware and a glass. As you set them down on the table you spoke, "You said one more right?" My mind was too clouded to process what you said, so we stood there silently for what felt like forever.

Finally, I realized what you said and replied, "Yeah." You were about to walk away when I said, "I only need the silverware."

You stepped back towards me, slightly closer this time, "What?" You said as you bent down slightly to hear me better, even though I'm not that much shorter than you.

I forced myself to speak saying, once again, "I only need the silverware."

My heart was beating faster and faster by the second. It was getting harder to breathe. You finally backed up and looked at the table as if checking to make sure I was right. When you finally realized I was, you grabbed the glass and walked away. I instantly wanted you back by my side. You smelled like freshly cut cedar and maple syrup. The aroma made it's way into my mind and clouded the brain. Seth came back with a chair, which apparently I needed and forgot about. I turned to leave since the table was finished and jumped. You were standing behind me with a chair for the table. I walked away so fast, embarrassed about what had just happened. I'm not a jumpy person normally, but with my brain filled with your aroma I couldn't think straight. I didn't know what was happening to me and I didn't know if I wanted it to stop or not. But what I did know was that you weren't going away and I still had a job to do.

The night went on and I was advised to get your number or social media by one of my friends. I pushed it out of my head being too chicken to ask for it myself. When I got home I regretted my decision instantly. I scrolled through my friends list. Someone has to have it, I thought. I texted Liam, who had been talking to you earlier in the night, if he knew any of your social media.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Can I have it?" I asked.

I fell asleep before I got a response, so when I woke up the next morning to his reply of one of your socials, I was ecstatic. I added you that morning around 9am and waited, my hope slowly diminishing with every passing minute. At 10:30am, when I had given up hope, you added me back. I had to go into work so I couldn't start talking to you, but the happiness I felt from you adding me back lasted all day.

When I got home after working all day, I saw posted a picture of, what I believed to be, motorcycles. "Are those motorcycles?" I asked, just to be sure.

"Hell yes they are 😎😛😛 first one on right is mine."

"Damn. My dad used to have a Harley."

"Oooo do you know what type? And did you ever go on it?"

"I did go on it. He used to drive me home from school on it. But I don't know what type but I can ask." I texted my dad and replied with his answer. "It was a super glide with a 1200 CC motor but he had it changed to a 1380 CC motor."

"Ooooo that's very nice. Let me guess, was it black? And that's really cool you were a badass coming home from school😎😂."

"Yup. my friends called him 'Caitie's biker dad' lol 😂"

"Awe 😂 you probably have the collest dad out of all of them!! Did you like riding on back?"

"I did enjoy riding on the back."

"Thats good. maybe I'll take you on mine😄 haha."

My heart rate escalated rapidly and a genuine smile hit my face. It was the first time in a long time that I genuinely smiled. I didn't know what it was about you, but whatever it was, I liked it.

During the week we talked all the time about little things. Things people wouldn't say were important or significant in any way, but to me everything we talked about meant something. Finally I met someone that actually seemed to enjoy talking to me. No matter how bad the conversation was I enjoyed it and it made me smile.

"Are you in high school?" I asked.

"Nopee. Are you?"

"Yeah, but I'm almost done with junior year right now so technically only one more year to go and then I'm free!!"

"Damn that suckss I hated senior year. I just wanted to get out of hs😅 it was just so boring to me lol and college is your own schedule and just amazing."

"It seems like it. the only good thing about high school right now is chemistry. math is the worst. I've been in advanced since 7th grade but I'm done with it after this year."

"Chemistry is very funnn. I love the labs and elements haha (I'ma super nerd btw). and damn that's good and I was in all advanced English and math and everything up until junior year until I just got to lazy for all the work and I just did normal classes."

"The only advanced class I've ever been in was math. I'm in advanced Trig and Pre Calc this year (I have an A- right now). I'm a chemistry nerd though (I have an A+ right now) and my teacher doesn't like how I can be on my phone all class but still know what we're doing. and I can learn something and take a quiz on it the same day and still get an A."

"Oh shit. I have some competition. I'm the same exact way 😅😎 we should have like a quiz-off in math, but that's awesome. I know I didn't get A's my junior year lol."

"😂"

One day you sent me a message saying that I had pretty eyes. Many people have said that, so I didn't think much of it. I simply said thank you and went on talking about something else.

A day or two later I posted a picture looking tired saying I wanted someone to talk to because I was bored. I fell asleep shortly after that because it was late and no one was talking to me. When I woke up the next morning there was a message from you. "You look beautiful when you're tired."

I got so happy because I know I don't look beautiful when I'm tired. I look bad when I'm tired. I felt my lips form a smile again and couldn't help but notice how much that had been happening. A realization occurred to me. You were the one that caused my smile. A genuine smile that I couldn't fake no matter how hard I tried. I don't know how you did it but, somehow, you broke through my wall that I had built to keep myself safe. I built it up so high that no matter how high you climbed you couldn't reach the top, so wide that you could walk for eternity in either direction and never reach the end to go around. I wished that you hadn't done it, though, because it made you so much more dangerous.


	3. One Word Crushed My Dreams

Our talking lasted about a week before... before I heard what I had been dreading to hear.

I was at work without you when Amber, one of my friends, said, "You know he has a girlfriend, right?"

"What? No he doesn't," I replied.

"Yes he does. Liam told me."

I felt like I couldn't breathe in that moment. My heart started to squeeze tighter and tighter, tears forming in my eyes waiting to fall. As much as it pained me, I took a deep breathe and pushed back my tears. I was still at work after all. Plus, I wasn't hearing this news from you directly. I hung on to the little hope I had and decided to message you asking if it was true.

I was told I could leave so I quickly finished everything and clocked out. Grabbing my phone I sent you a quick message, "So, you have a girlfriend? At least that's what Liam said."

"Yesssss for 4 years," you replied quickly.

I felt my heart slowly crack. Slow and painful like it wanted me to suffer, so I could learn my lesson... never have hope in something good happening to you because it will only let you down in the end. I don't think I have ever felt that much pain in my life. All I could feel was pain, every other emotion had drained out of my body with no hope of coming back. The only thing I could hear was the crack of my heart breaking. The sound rang through my ears it was as loud as thunder and as sharp as lightning. All I wanted was to leave and be alone. I ordered food and waited, pushing back my tears.

I grabbed my food and went for the door. As I was walking to my car, I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. They started streaming down my face, slowly at first but by the time I got into my car, they were uncontrollable. I knew I wouldn't be able to drive the way I was, so I just sat there crying and wishing for this day to be over. Or better yet, that it hadn't even begun...

The next day, I ignored you at work because even looking at you was too painful. Amber didn't understand what I was going through. "You should just talk to him," she said.

I knew I wouldn't be able to do that without breaking down in tears for the billionth time in the past twenty-four hours. The night slowed, so I asked to leave. I gave you one last look before I walked out the door and dissolved into tears once again.

I messaged you when I got home, "Why didn't you talk to me today?" I wasn't sure why I was trying to talk to you when I knew I would just hurt myself more in the end. Maybe I liked the pain it caused or maybe I thought there was still hope. I don't know how my heart beat my brain, but it did. That's why I messaged you. I don't think my heart could or would let you go no matter how many times my brain said you were toxic for me.

Sometime later I got a response from you, "You didn't talk to me either."

"I'm sorry. I was just slightly upset."

I guess you thought that I was upset you didn't talk to me and I was too emotionally messed up to correct you.

"I'm sorry. I'll start the conversation next time," you replied.

You didn't work the next day, so I stayed and talked to Amber after I clocked out. It was nice to get you out of my mind, but it didn't last long. I left and started the walk to my car, where the thoughts of you returned. Why couldn't I just stop?

The next day, I asked you, "Do you tell every girl they're beautiful when they're tired and that they have pretty eyes?"

"Only if it rings true," you replied. "Sorry if it sounds flirty."

"It does, but it's fine. I just don't like getting my hopes up only for them to come crashing back down."

"I didn't mean to let you down. I honestlyyy thought someone told you I had a gf before Liam did. Otherwise I wouldn't get your hopes up."

No one at work would tell me you had a girlfriend unless I asked and I would never do that. I wanted to hear it form you when we started talking so I knew nothing would happen and my hopes wouldn't be crushed. I was scared to like anyone because my heart had already been through the ringer with everything that had happened in my life before I met you. "It's ok," I lied. "She is really pretty. And you obviously love her since you've been with her for 4 years."

"I really do that's the girl I'm going to marry, but I would love to be friends with you. I will not lead you onnnn anymore."

"Ok 🙂."

"Good 😆."

Everything inside me was telling me that I couldn't be friends with you, but I had to. My heart didn't want to let you go without a fight. I don't know why I wanted to put myself through the pain of being your friend and talking to you. Learning more and more about you, but knowing we couldn't be anything more than friends. Maybe I liked the pain? Maybe I was happy as long as I had you? Or maybe I was just okay knowing that I still felt something and my heart wasn't completely broken like I thought it was. But, now, I know one thing for sure... you can't be just friends with someone you fell in love with.


	4. Math Is Confusing

When Saturday came around I was excited to know that you would be there for me to talk to. I was also glad that I was told to be at work early because I knew you were working in the morning, as well as, night. When I got to work, I walked past you because I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk to you yet. My mind told me to talk to you. My heart told me not to because you said that you would start the conversation first. I was planning on holding you to it. If we didn't talk you said that it wouldn't be my fault, it would be yours.

Sometimes I wished that I could just leave my heart out of everything, just block it out, never hear it again. It only leads me to more pain, but it's louder than anything else. I truly wish I could just turn it off and on at will. Life would be so much easier if I could.

Eventually, Rowan asked me to set up one of the tables for a larger party. When I got there you walked over and started helping. I quickly glanced at you only to find that you were already looking at me. "Hi, Rosalyn," you said.

"Hi," I replied. I didn't know what else to say but you continued the conversation, about nothing truly significant to this story, and we finished the table. I told Rowan it was ready, only for her to tell me that two high chairs needed to be added to it. I walked back down to the table and the other person working with you started helping me, you walked up and started helping soon after. I put away the extra glasses and helped you put two tables together, then counting everything to make sure it was all there. Of course me being me, trying to do math in my head never works. I was talking it out thinking it would help me figure out the math. It didn't.

"What are you doing?" You asked me with a confused look on your face.

"I'm trying to do math in my head. It isn't working," I responded.

"I thought you said you were good at math."

"Well, I would call advanced trig and pre-calc good."

"Yeah, considering I had friends who were in algebra one their senior year, not by choice."

I guess we were taking too long to figure out the math because Rowan came to the table to tell us to hurry up. You brought more glasses to the table, which made me more confused. Then I found out why I seemed to be miscounting, there was a glass missing. I told you to add a glass where the one was missing. After you replaced the missing glass, you added another glass at one of the high chair spots.

"No," I said. "High chairs don't get glasses." You tried to put a glass at the other high chair spot. "No. High chairs don't get glasses."

You stared at the table with the same confusion I did at the beginning of this. "See, doing math in your head is hard," I stated with humor laced in my tone.

"Yes, it is," you replied and laughed a little as well.

The smile I love to see appeared back on your face, which made me smile too. I can't help smiling when you do. Your smile is contagious, that's what I loved so much about it. The fact that it could make me smile, even when I'm stressed out, when other people make me mad, or when I'm having the worst day I could ever have. You are the only person that could make me genuinely smile.

We both worked a double that day and I got off before you, but I still wanted to talk to you. So, I clocked out and sat by your section talking, which you didn't seem to mind. I knew it was illogical and insane, but you listened to what I had to say. You listened and seemed to care, like no one else I talked to did.


	5. She Messed You Up, I Didn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same day as previous chapter

After you were told you could leave, once you did a couple more things, I asked you, "Why do you smoke?"

You didn't answer at first. You just looked at me with fear and confusion in your eyes. I assumed no one had ever asked you that question before and you were afraid of how I would react. You knew I wouldn't judge you, I had told you before I wouldn't, I just wanted an answer. "I'll tell you once I'm done with this," you said, pointing out the dirty dishes and trash that needed to be put away. I nodded and you walked away to finish everything up. While you were gone I talked to Amber, who was still working, to pass the time.

You came back a few minutes later and met my eyes. "Can you tell me now?" I knew I was pushing, but it wasn't the first time I asked the question. I asked you when you first told me you smoked and you avoided it. You avoided it the same way I do when asked questions I want to talk about but know that the person asking doesn't really care. I did care and I wanted you to know that. I wanted to get to know you. Your past, your present, your future. You.

You grabbed the rest of the stuff that needed to be put away, "I'll put this away and then I'll tell you." I knew you were going to leave and avoid the question once again.

"No you won't. All your stuff is in the back, so once you put that away you're just going to leave."

You looked me in the eyes, smirked and said, "That's the idea."

You weren't getting out of it that easy. When you walked away, I told Amber goodbye and walked toward the back exit. When I got there you were putting on your black leather jacket. It was almost in perfect condition for being over a year old. You were a motorcycle and car guy. Seeing the sparkle in your eyes when you saw a nice bike or car is one feeling no one can understand, no matter how well described. You looked at me with that same fear and confusion you did before. I smiled, "I want the answer to my question."

"It's a long story," you said looking down.

"I want to hear it."

You grabbed your helmet and motioned for me to follow. You held the door open for me and we walked silently to the parking lot. I knew I should have been cold from the crisp, late winter night air, but with you standing next to me I felt none of it. All I felt was the warmth of blood pulsing through my veins, from a heart I thought had stopped working years ago.

"Are you going to tell me now?" I asked, looking at you as we walked.

"It's a serious answer," you said, not looking up from the ground. I could tell you were getting anxious, not from me but from the answer tying to break free from your locked mind.

"Oh no, I have to be serious?" I laughed still looking at you, to relieve some of the tension.

You tried really hard to conceal the smile that overtook your blank expression, not knowing I was already looking at you. I looked down to avoid tripping, since we were walking up a hill covered in dirt and twigs from the dead trees. As I did I saw you look at me with concern, from what I can only make guesses about. Concern of how I will view you after finding out the answer? Concern of me walking up the hill unaided? Concern of you sharing a part of yourself you hadn't shared with many people? One of those came true when I slipped slightly and, out of the corner of my eye, saw you reach out getting an inch or two from me before pulling back when I regained my balance. You looked away quickly and I smiled to myself, knowing you cared but didn't want me to know you did.

We continued to walk the rest of the way to the parking lot in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable though, being around you was never uncomfortable. You had this way about you that made even the shyest people want to be around you. You always seemed to care about what everyone had to say. It could be the smallest conversation, but you made everyone feel like someone cared, which is usually all they needed. What I needed. What you needed. From everything I already knew about you, I could tell we were the same. Our lives were almost complete parallels.

The parking lot was nearly deserted of cars, but your red motorcycle stood almost alone in the lone streetlight. As we walked towards it you said, "This is why I like parking away from other cars, the nicest cars park next to me." I looked at you to find you staring at the car parked near you. I could hear the pure joy in your tone as you said exactly what kind of car it was. The kind of joy that made everyone around the person happy for no reason. The joy that came from talking about something or someone you love. The joy I had talking to or about you.

The sparkle in your eyes was back and brighter than before, it was almost blinding. I didn't want to take that away, but I wanted an answer. "Can you tell me now?" I questioned. I instantly regretted it when I saw the light dim to a faint candle light flicker.

"Let me start my bike." You turned the key and the bike came to life. The rumble of it shook me to the core. You wouldn't expect a small bike to make that big of a sound, but I could tell you were proud of it from the smile on your face.

You turned back to me and I waited. Neither of us made a sound for the next minute or so, just the rumble of the bike could be heard. Even the birds, which had been quietly chirping, seemed to hush to hear what was about to be said.

"Why do you do it?" I finally spoke, determination in my voice. I was done with you beating around the bush. I needed the answer more than a fish needed water.

"Are you sure you want to know?" You asked, probably hoping I would drop it. I didn't.

"Yes."

"Ok. So, you know I have a girlfriend," you paused. "She smokes, too. When we started dating she got me into it. We would only do it every once in a while, but it turned into every weekend, then every day."

You took a breathe, then continued. "It was an escape from everything that was going on in my life. I've been through a lot. I just wanted to forget all of it. Anyway, we've been together for four years, but not continuously."

You looked down for a second. When you looked back up, the faint candle light in your eyes flickered out. "Within those four years she has broken up with me four times. It's usually over the summer and she goes out with all these other guys. She always makes sure I find out somehow, which hurts me every time. When we're together I cut back to almost never smoking, but that all goes downhill when she breaks up with me again. I get really depressed and it starts all over, I go back to doing it every day. I want to forget her, but it's impossible. When the good feelings fade, I do it again."

I stood there quietly listening to you talk. You didn't try to meet my eyes but, every now and then, I would catch your gaze. When I did, all I saw was pain and sorrow in your eyes. She hurt you so much. You didn't deserve that.

"She basically cheated on me for about four months at one point," you went on.

That is what broke me. You are such a good guy and good guys are so hard to find. Girls should be grateful to have them and she wasn't. You deserved the world for being so loyal to her and she didn't care. Didn't care about your feelings. Didn't care about your life. Didn't care about you. I did, you knew that, yet you stayed with her. I didn't understand and still don't.

Thoughts raced through my head. Why would she continue to hurt you over and over? Why would you continue to take her back each and every time? How could you still trust her after what she did? How could you still be with her?

"Why are you still with her?" I asked, rage building up inside me.

"Because we were each other's first everything. It has a special meaning to us," you replied.

I didn't believe that for a second. Maybe it was special to you, but it clearly wasn't special to her. I don't know if you realized this and didn't want to acknowledge it or if you were blinded by your feelings. Either way, I wanted to shake you and snap you out of the fantasies your mind had created for you. The fantasies that kept you from seeing reality. The fantasies that were lying to you. The fantasies that said the girl you were with cared about you as much as you did for her. The fantasies in front of the walls your heart built up to protect itself each and every time she hurt you. The fantasies that made you smoke.

"But I haven't touched the stuff in about a week, which is the largest span in quite a while," you said, probably sensing the rage coursing through me.

I didn't really care about the smoking anymore. I cared about you and how she hurt you. How she kept hurting you. I wanted you to get out of your own head and see her for who she really was. I wanted you to see that I was nothing like her. We had one of the biggest differences I could think of, her and I. She messed you up, I didn't.


	6. Would Hurt More When You Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same day as previous chapter

We continued to talk more that night about small things. We talked about cars, even though I'm not really a car person. I mean I can appreciate nice cars, but I can't always say what kind of car it is. "I can only point out Mustangs, Corvettes, Ferraris, and Lamborghinis," I said.

"You like Lambo's?" You questioned.

"Yeah, why?" I asked.

"What kind of Lambo is this?" You grabbed your phone and showed me the lock screen. I looked at it and thought it was a Lamborghini P1. I didn't want to come across as a dumb girl, so I paused.

"I'll give you a hint. It starts with a P," you said, urging me to answer.

"P1," I replied, now certain I was right in the first place.

"Wow. Good job."

You seemed surprised that I actually got it right, which kind of offended me. There was silence for a while, peaceful and quiet. This is where my memory gets fuzzy, but somehow we started talking about health. I brought up the fact that I have asthma, so I keep an inhaler on me just in case. "I also have pulmonary stenosis," I continued.

"What's that?" You asked, with confusion in your tone.

"It's basically a 'hole in my heart', at least that's how my doctor explained it to me when I was younger," I paused, then continued. "Now, my mom said that it means my heart rate increases rapidly. So, if I walk up a set of stairs at school, my heart rate can go from 70 to like 120."

"Ok. This is really weird," you said.

"What's weird?" I asked, thinking that you meant my heart condition.

"My girlfriend has that."

"Yeah, that is weird," I said, now upset that you brought your girlfriend back into this conversation. "But there's one major difference between me and your girlfriend. Do you wanna know what it is?"

"What?"

"I don't do stupid shit," I said.

Usually I filter what I say around you, as to not offend you, but as I said this, I didn't. I didn't think about what I was saying, just like the first time I said something to you. I was nervous as I waited for your reply. It seemed to take forever, but you finally spoke.

"That's true." A slight laugh leaving your lips.

We talked for a bit longer and tried to leave about three times all the while. It never happened. The first time we tried to leave was after we talked about your girlfriend and how she hurt you. I guess you could sense how upset I was because you said, "Do you want a hug?"

I paused. "No." I regretted not saying yes. I wanted nothing more than to feel your arms around me, to fell protected, to feel loved. But it would hurt me more, in the end, when you let go and left to see your girlfriend. Knowing you didn't actually care about me and just asked to make me feel better. I didn't want you to lie to me unconsciously, or consciously, just to make me feel better about myself.

Whenever one of us would try to leave, the other would say something in response to the other and it would bring up a new conversation. Finally, after who knows how long we decided that it was actually time we should leave. You got on your bike and I started walking to my car, which was a small distance away. As I walked you rode right in front of me, almost hitting me. I knew you wouldn't, but it still scared me. You stopped and I said, "You could have hit me."

"But I didn't," you replied. I couldn't see your mouth, but the gleam in your eyes told me that that genuine smile was there, hidden behind your helmet. It caused me to smile.

You rode away and I got into my car. A chill ran through me as I found my entire body wrapped in a blanket of ice. Now that you weren't near me, all the warmth I felt was gone, replaced with the icy truth. You had a girlfriend. I meant nothing to you. There was nothing I could do to change that. You loved her and you weren't going to leave no matter how much she hurt you.

When I was almost home, I saw a red motorcycle fly past me and get into the turn lane I was going to. I didn't want to get too close in case it was you, but when the person on the bike turned to look at me, I knew it was. You motioned for me to move forward, so I did. I rolled down my window and asked, "What?"

"The bike doesn't trip the sensor. It doesn't weigh enough," you said.

"Oh." You said something else that I couldn't hear. "What?" I asked.

"Go!" You yelled, putting the visor on your helmet back down.

I didn't understand what you meant at first, but I rolled up my window again. As I did the green arrow appeared. That's what you meant. I hit my gas, beating you off the light. The road merged from two lanes to one and you flew past me to get in front. I laughed and slowed down, not wanting to get pulled over, in case there was a cop hiding up ahead.

When I got home I realized it was about 11:30 at night. I checked my phone thinking there were calls or messages from my mom, there wasn't. I was hoping she had fallen asleep and I could sneak inside. She trusted me, but I didn't want her to question why I was getting home so late, especially since she knew I wasn't closing. As I walked to the door I noticed that her bedroom light was still on. Pulling out my phone, I messaged you, "My mom's still up! If I don't reply, she killed me."

I walked through the door and to her room, she didn't question why I was home so late or where I had been. So, I walked to my room and got ready to go to sleep. When I laid down I messaged you again saying, "I didn't die! She didn't kill me!"

I fell asleep before you replied, but when I woke up the next morning, there was a message from you. "Good. That would have been bad."

You had this way of making it seem like you cared, even when I knew you didn't. I wish you didn't have that quality, it would have been so much easier to get over you. Unfortunately, I wasn't that lucky. My feelings got in the way too much. My heart said you cared and my brain said you didn't. I should have stopped listening to my heart. I also realized that we had talked in the parking lot for an hour. Who does that? Do friends do that? Should friends be doing that? Did you know we talked that long? I sure didn't. It felt like 10 minutes at most, but, the funny thing is, I would be it all again in a heart beat.


	7. You Deserved More Than You Received

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My thoughts on what he deserves

You are such a nice guy that deserves so much better. You say that someone constantly breaking your heart is "what good guys get" but it's not. Good guys deserve someone who won't break their hearts.

Someone who makes them happy all the time.

Someone to talk to in the late hours of the night or early hours of the morning when they can't sleep.

Someone they can call in the middle of the night when they had a bad dream and are afraid to go back to sleep.

Someone they can cry to and not care if they seem weak.

Someone to tell their hopes and dreams to.

Someone that will be so happy to have them that they won't ever want to leave them.

Someone who will make them feel better about themselves, not worse.

Someone who appreciates that they have them.

Someone to love them unconditionally and forever.

Someone who loves them for who they are.

Someone who, no matter what anyone says, knows they are faithful and truthful.

Someone they can be themselves around.

Someone who brings out the best in them.

Someone who will defend you against anyone who says negative things about them, whether it's true or not.

Someone who knows that they can act like nothing bothers them, but knows somethings do.

Someone who they can joke around with, but can also have a serious conversation with when they need to.

Someone who picks them up, not puts them down.

Someone who knows their past, but doesn't judge them on it.

Someone who expects them to always be who they are and everything they can amount to be.

Someone who will never let them go.

Good guys... deserve the world.

...And so do you.


	8. You Stopped Replying, I Started Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What he did for me

I keep a lot of things to myself because it's hard to find someone who understands, but you do. It's a wonderful thing that I never wanted to lose. I feel as though I could talk to you about anything and everything. Like we could sit outside for hours and never run out of things to say. We both have messed up lives that coincide without being the same. I finally found someone that understands what I'm feeling without me having to explain it to the very depths and cause myself more pain reliving it.

When someone makes you genuinely happy and can put a smile, that isn't forced, on your face with every word they say, you notice when they stop. Not stop putting a smile on your face, because even just hearing or seeing their name can do that, but stop talking. It hurts more knowing you mattered to someone and now you don't than thinking you never mattered to them at all.

The only person that can make me feel better no matter what, is the one person I can't talk to...

I don't think you realized just how much it hurt me. Yes, I knew your girlfriend would always be higher on your priority list than me, like she should be, but I was still your friend. Friends talk to each other inside and outside of work. Since I only saw you once, maybe twice, a week, I felt like we were work friends. Only able to talk for a minute or two at a time at work was killing me. Talking to you everyday for a while and then going to basically nothing made me feel more lonely than ever.


	9. Brought Me Joy, They Stole It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Society is weird

If you talking to someone makes them as happy as when they talk to you, then why should someone else care what happens. Yes, that person may be with someone else that isn't you, but as long as they stay loyal no harm can come from talking. Nothing bad can come from talking, especially when the only time you can talk to them is at work. Before you say anything to someone, find out the whole situation. Step into the other persons shoes. Find where they are coming form. Why are they doing what they're doing? Only then can you truly comment and advise on the situation.

Other people, that I called my friends, said that people laughed at me and talked behind my back about what I was doing. My "friends" said things like "I'm only telling you this because I'm your friend" and "I only want what's best for you", but if they really wanted what was best for me, they would have known that having you to talk to about everything that was going on in my head was what was best for me. No one understood me the way you did, no one could relate to me as well, and no one could understand what was going on in my head without me even having to say it. You were what was best for me, but they didn't understand that. They didn't take the time to put themselves in my shoes and learn why I was doing what I was doing. That was their mistake. If they were truly my friends they would ahve stuck up for me against people that were talking behind my back. Saying those things to me just showed that they were embarrassed by having me as their friend, so I cut them off. They were out of my life because they only cared about themselves and not my feelings or well being.

I let other people talk and laugh, why would I risk my happiness just to please others? People can say that I look "pathetic" just for talking to you, which they did, but what people didn't realize is that you had the quality to make me happy just by being around you. They didn't notice the difference in my moods when you were working with me and when you weren't because they weren't really my friends. The people who did, however, are still in my life today. They still support me and encourage me to do things that make me happy no matter what anyone says. That was another thing you showed me, without even trying, you showed me who my true friends were and who I didn't need in my life anymore.

Society wants everyone to be happy, but when people do something that makes them feel happy, society tears them down for it. Why?

For someone, having that one conversation can turn their whole day around.

For someone, just that small interaction can make someone can help them get through another day.

For someone, having that can change their life.

For someone, saying that one thing can get someone to step away from the ledge, put down the blade, or throw the pills away.

Why would people want to take that away from them? Why make them feel self-conscious about what they are doing, especially when it's not a bad thing? Why take away someone else's happiness just to prolong their own? I don't think I'll ever understand, but I hope that someday, society will. I hope society will leave everyone to do their own thing and let's them talk to whomever they please. Whether it be the norm or not.


	10. Did I Imagine That You Cared?

I got so used to not seeing you on Fridays, that I didn't think you were going to be at work.

I saw you from across the room and got so happy, but also upset because you weren't at work the prior week. I walked past you multiple times and you didn't say a thing to me. You were walking the long way around the restaurant, always steering clear of where I was. I thought you were avoiding me. I brought someone to their table and started walking past you. "Hey, Rosalyn," you said.

I stopped in my tracks, "Hi."

"Why didn't you say hi to me before?"

"I thought you were avoiding me?" I realize now that my response didn't answer your question, but it was the thing that was sitting on my brain. When I was talking to you my filter turned off and I no longer cared what I said.

"Why would I be avoiding you?"

"Why wouldn't you be avoiding me?"

You smiled and laughed, "That's true, maybe I will avoid you now."

I looked at you in the most serious way so you knew I wasn't joking, "I thought your girlfriend was making you avoid me." She already made you stop talking to me, so why wouldn't she take it that one step further and make you avoid me. I knew you would comply with what she wanted, no matter how much it hurt me, and you knew it hurt me. You just wanted her to stay with you. If she was making you and you allowed it, I don't think I could have been friends with you.

Friends talk. I've learned, through my experiences, that if someone doesn't make an effort to talk, then there's no reason to talk to them. If someone doesn't mean anything to them, they shouldn't mean anything to that person, I have kept that lesson close to my heart since this day, and assured myself that no one will ever stay in my life if they make me feel like that.

Luckily, or unluckily depending on how the readers have read the situation so far, you told me that your girlfriend didn't tell you anything and that you weren't avoiding me. "I've been busy," you said.

"Yeah, I have, too." And that was that. I walked away and nothing truly significant happened the rest of the night.


	11. Our Language: Witty Humor, Sarcastic Comments

The next day at work, I was looking for menus and saw you weren't smiling. "I'm going to tell you to smile every time I see that you're not," I said.

"What should I be smiling about?" You asked.

"Because your'e working with me, obviously."

"True, but after about ten times of seeing you, I lose my excitement."

"Get back to work," Tim one of the servers told you. We gave each other a look, one that said he should go mind his own business but he's right, and you walked away. Tim looked at me and said, "He's boring and quiet, except with you."

"He's has an amazing personality and sense of humor. You just have to get to know him," I told Tim.

"I don't want to do that."

"Well you should. He's really nice to talk to."

A while later, we were talking again and you were handed a glass to take to the kitchen. "Random glass," I spoke.

"Why is it random?" You asked.

"Because it's by itself."

"That makes it lonely not random."

"Fine. Lonely glass."

"That's like calling you random."

I stood with my mouth agape in surprise and you laughed. "Now I'm sad. I'm gonna go cry now," I said, my laugh slowly escaping with every word I spoke.

"That's fine. You made this glass cry," you replied.

"That's condensation."

"It's tears."

"It's condensation. That's science."

I went back to the front and Tim was talking to Beck. "I think he left. I haven't seen him in a while," Tim said to Beck.

"Who are you talking about?" I asked.

"Your best friend," he replied.

I knew he was talking about you, which made me smile. "No, he's here. I just saw him."

Near the end of the night I told you what Tim had said. "I don't care what people say about me," you said. "He can say whatever he wants about me, but I'm over here doing my job and he's not. So, what does that say about him?"


	12. You Replied. Was It A Mistake?

I was talking to you about something ridiculous one day at work and you made me laugh, like you do almost every time we talk. So, when I went back to where I was, still smiling, Celia noticed. "Why are you smiling?" She asked.

"I'm always smiling," I replied, even though I knew it was a lie.

"Yeah, but you're smiling like something good just happened."

I explained to her what was going on and about how your girlfriend is the worst and treats you so badly but you're still with her.

Later, Sasha came up to me and said, "You know who I think you'd be cute with? What's his name?"

I was hoping that she meant you because she looked in that direction. "The guy in this room?" I asked, pointing in the direction she was looking.

She said your name, which made me smile, and I said, "Yeah..." even though I knew it would never happen.

A short time before the restaurant was going to close I needed one of the managers. I was standing at the front looking for her, when you walked by me. "What do you need?" You asked.

"I need Katherine," I told you.

"Just yell at the top of your lungs and she'll come up."

"No, I sound awful talking normal. I would hate to hear what I sounded like if I yelled at the top of my lungs," I was sick at the time and my voice was nasally, cracking and just not good sounding.

"Come on," you said. "Just take a page out of Spongebob's book. Stand on top of your pineapple and say, 'I'm ugly and I'm proud.'."

I looked at you with my mouth agape and said, "You just called me ugly."

You laughed, "Yeah, I did." You walked away and I smiled, laughing under my breathe.

When it was closing time, I was talking about you quietly to Celia when you walked by us. I stopped talking and we both looked at you. "What are you whispering about?" You asked. I was pretty sure you knew I was talking about you, just because you knew me and how I acted in certain situations.

Celia played it off and said, "Something."

"Why are you whispering?" You asked.

"Because we don't want the managers to hear," Celia replied with as much sass as I would have put in.

I looked straight straight into your eyes and asked, "What do you want?"

"A million dollars and drugs," you replied.

"I can't give you that," I smiled and laughed.

You smiled at me and walked away. Celia looked at me and smiled as well. I could tell she knew how much I cared about you. My words could only convey so much, but seeing us interact, that shows everyone exactly how I felt.

A couple minutes passed and I was told I could go home. I finished everything up, thinking you were still working, and left. When I was about to pull out of the parking lot, I noticed another car leaving as well. I let the car go, noticing that the person driving looked a lot like you, but I didn't believe it was you. The car passed mine and I left the parking lot right after. I got to the light, sitting in the right turn lane, but the person in front of me wouldn't turn even though the light wasn't a 'no turn on red' light. Finally, the person goes and I go one second after. I got into the middle lane, because the car was going slow, and I saw the driver of the car was you. You were driving slower than I thought you would have been, considering how fast you drive your motorcycle. So I sped past you, got into the left lane and went home.

When I parked in my driveway, I saw you posted a picture saying "I hate working with a fake smile. I just end up insulting people inside my head."

"@me," I messaged you, expecting you to look at it and not message me back like you have been for a while now.

But you did. "@all of us."

I couldn't believe it because I thought your girlfriend said you weren't allowed to message me back. I hoped you wouldn't get in too much trouble, but, at the same time, I did. I hoped she would get mad enough to break up with you and you would finally realize that you deserve so much better than her.


	13. Seeing You Together Broke Me Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale Part One

One Tuesday, I took Rowan's shift and you came in with your girlfriend. "Hi," I said.

"Hi," you replied.

I took you to your table and tried my best to ignore you the rest of the night. I still passed your table every now and then, never looking at you. Seeing you with her, though, that sealed the fact that you were going to stay with her no matter what she did. I noticed that you were always smiling when you were with her. I saw how pretty she was and knew you were never going to leave her.

When you guys were leaving, three of the bussers were freaking out because they noticed how pretty she was. It made me feel so bad that I wanted to cry. Seeing her made me feel worse about myself because all I want is for someone to feel that way about me. For other guys to be jealous of the guy that has me.

That night I told you that I didn't like you anymore, at least not in that way. I lied but I thought telling you would convince me, it didn't but I still hoped. I still wanted to remain your friend because you can still put a smile on my face, just not the way you used to. Not the same smile either. Not the smile that everyone saw I had when I was with you. Not the smile that stayed on my face longer than any other fake one I could construct. But a smile of relief. A smile of relief from the world around me for however long we talked, but disappeared right after. A smile of relief from whatever I was dealing with at the time. A smile of relief that allowed me to breathe when I didn't feel like I could.

The next time we worked together, I ignored you except when you talked to me because I didn't want to be rude. There was no witty remarks or come-backs spoken. Before, if I didn't talk to you, I would feel off until I did. But after seeing you with her and seeing how happy you truly are with her, that feeling went away. I found I could ignore you the entire time we were working together and not feel anything out of the ordinary.


	14. One Last Conversation Said It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale Part Two

Our last real conversation happened that weekend, somehow the conversation started. "So, your girlfriend knows who I am now?" I asked.

"Yeah," you replied.

"Does she hate me?"

"No."

"Good. I didn't want to talk to you while she was around. I didn't want her to have any reason to make us stop talking."

"Yeah, I was wondering why you didn't even walk past the table while we were there."

"I did walk past the table, you were just too focused on your girlfriend to notice." There was a bit of bitterness in my voice that I didn't mean for. I didn't think I was bitter, but I guess I was. I was still trying to get over you and tell myself that the feelings I had for you were only that of a good friend.

Following that day I started ignoring you more and more until we didn't say anything to each other. If we did, it was only a "hi" "hi" conversation.

I was working with you a few days before I went on vacation when you stopped me. I had already been ignoring you for a while at this point. "You really should be nice to me," you said.

"Why?" I asked, confused on how I had even been being mean to you in the first place. Yes, I was ignoring you, but you weren't exactly making an effort to talk to me either.

"Because I'm putting in my two weeks today."

You were quitting and I would never see you again. I thought this would have fazed me more than it did. It was almost like I was relieved that you were leaving, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again.

"I'll still come eat here once in a while," you said.

I didn't really care if you did or didn't. I wanted you to go. I knew that time away from you would help me. Help me move on in my life by getting all thoughts of you out. And you know what? In some ways, it has.


	15. The Goodbye Said Everything I Needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale Part Three

I guess I came to the realization that you really truly love her. That you and her have the kind of love I hope to have someday. It didn't even matter if you and her were talking or just sitting with each other, that smile on your face never went away. When we talked I could put a smile on your face, just the act of me being near you couldn't do that. I never noticed that until now. 

It's almost like the thoughts of what we could have been were clouding my head and I couldn't see the reality of it all.

Now that I have stepped back from you, everything has become more clear. I see now that you and her are the reality. Everything I had in my head was just a fantasy, made to stay in my head then fade away as time passed. I used to check my phone every minute hoping there was a message from you or look to see if you were with her and hope that you weren't.

Now, I don't even think of you unless I see your name as I'm scrolling through my phone. There is always a split second where I think of all the good memories and what could have been, and then I remember all the pain you caused me. The mental, physical, and emotional pain. Mental from you making all my thoughts about you, not being able to concentrate on anything else. Physical because when I found out about your girlfriend, it broke me. It physically hurt to breathe and I felt as though my heart was shattering. I could feel every piece break off.

Slowly...

Slowly...

Slowly...

Until the pain was unbearable. Finally, emotional because after all of that, I put myself back together and did the same thing. I kept talking to you. I knew I should have stopped, but you were the one guy, at the time, who was genuinely being nice to me. I wish you hadn't though, because, in the end, it caused me more pain. If you had been mean to me after that, I could have moved on much faster.

I'm not trying to put the blame on you, this situation was completely my fault. I put myself back in this position. I continued to talk to you against mine, and others, better judgements. I kept thinking that, eventually, you would realize that she wasn't what you needed. I continued to hope that you would message me one day to tell me that she broke your heart for the last time. That you were done with her and needed someone to tell you that everything would be alright. It never happened and I don't believe it ever will happen, but that's ok.

I don't regret anything. Having you in my life, for the short time that you were, helped me. I am stronger, mentally and emotionally, smarter, and I learned that when you love someone, you'll know. I'll admit that I did love you for some time. Not just for your appearance, which is what drew me initially, but for the way you were. Appearance is one thing, but the mind is another. I read a quote once that said, "When reading, we don't fall in love with the characters' appearance. We fall in love with their words, their thoughts, and their souls." That's what happened with you. Your appearance caught my eye, but when we started talking, I fell in love with you. Who you really were, not just what your appearance said you were.

I said earlier that I had felt the same way with you that I did with someone else. That wasn't true at least not as time went on. I can safely say that I didn't know what love was until I met you. Thank you for teaching me that. Thank you for showing me that I can feel love for someone. I hope one day that I'll be able to feel it again.

We never talk anymore and I guess it's for the best.

One day, I saw you posted a picture of you and your girlfriend. I saw how your smile matched hers and I knew how happy she makes you. I would hate to hear, one day, that she broke up with you. I know what that does to you. But she makes you happy and I'm glad that she does.

Everyone deserves the chance to be happy,

And I'm glad that, for a while,

You gave me that chance.


End file.
